Too often I see moms getting shamed for their decision in their parenting, whether it be public breastfeeding, formula feeding, baby wearing, co-sleeping, letting them cry it out, the list goes on and on. I like to think that most of these "well wishers" are giving their opinions out of the goodness of their heart and not out of being harsh or judge-y but I will never know for sure. I have personally been a victim of this I have also seen friends family and strangers go through it and I am sick of it. If you have read either of my blogs or you're my friend you already know that I absolutely HATE mom shaming, and today I am going to lay it all on the table. What an amazing world this would be if we would unite together in support, think of all the things that we would accomplish, to me support breeds positive energy and shaming breeds negativity, its really not that difficult to understand just think about it, have you ever felt good when someone has shamed you? You most likely didn't want to do it again, but what about when you were praised for something, I would say that you persevered and tried harder in that aspect to make yourself even better.
About a month ago I was talking to a mom at my daughters dance school, she had noticed that I would drop my daughter off and then return about half an hour later, which usually moms who have their daughters in class stay gone till the end or do not leave at all, when I explained to her that I exclusively pumped for my daughter she kind of chuckled but then when she realized I was being serious replied back with, "Why would you waste your time, isn't formula so much easier?" Whether she realized it or not that simple question hit me in the gut at full force. If you have exclusive pumped for your children, not matter what length of time, you know the stress, time, love, and mental exhaustion that goes into it. Yes I know how much easier it is to do formula when my first daughter was 6 months old I lost my supply due to sickness and it was a debilitating blow, I worked hard for my supply and I worked even harder to get my daughter what I thought was the best nutrition for her at the time.
I have another friend who is a single parent, she has pretty much zero support and she made the decision to sleep train, she did this so she could do her homework at night, so she could better herself for her child and their future life. You have no idea how many times I have heard "Why are you being so cruel to him? Just pick him up let him sleep with you." Do you not think she knows this already? It killed her every-time she heard her son cry, she would much rather have picked him up and snuggled him but she also knew if she didn't get her school work done then they would live in poverty and a dead end life forever. He was never in danger he got nighttime snuggles and love before bed, he had his lovey and a nightlight and his door was always cracked so he wasn't isolated.
Moms and Dads, ladies and gentlemen, we are all human, God made us all wonderfully different and we have our own opinions and free-will which is something special that he gave to us, but sometimes we forget that it is not our place to judge and instead of giving support and love like we should and were made to do, we spew coldness and judgement. You are you and no one else, you will never know the pain one mom feels or the shame she gets from public whispers and watching eyes, not everyone can be iron strong and smile and shake it off, some moms can get used to it but others cannot. Instead of giving another mom or dad your opinion on the way they are parenting how about giving them a pat on the back, or a smile and nod of approval, or what I love the most is "Wow what your doing is hard, great work". Before you speak, put yourself in their shoes, and ask yourself "is it physically hurting that child?" More often times than not the answer is no, no they are not hurting their child in fact they are doing their best to do the opposite.
To moms and dads who are struggling with parenting decisions in your life, I say find yourself a good support group, meeting up with other parents in your area who share the same style of parenting you do is a great thing. There is also groups on Facebook you can join, and then you never have to worry about getting there on time or finding a way or gas money to get there. I also say your doing a great job, and don't let other people bully you or push you around. If you see another parent being bullied or shamed (unintentional or not) let them know that their decision is great and they are doing a good job, I guarantee you it will take away those feelings of doubt and anxiousness the previous person just planted in them. I am sure every parent has been a victim of mom or dad shaming I say that with certainty, there is always going to be someone in the store, at the park, or the doctors office who wants to give you their opinion, sometimes they can even be in your own family. As hard as it is just brush it off, take it with a grain of salt, find your support buddy (I have several!) and vent it out to them. It takes a village to raise a child, but it cannot be done unless that village sends out love.
If you have any questions, or are feeling alone in your decision send me an email or leave me a comment. I love to listen and help out I can also probably send you in the direction for a good Facebook support group! Your doing great, keep it up!
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